Transformers has always only ever been about robots smashing each other up on our doorstep. Lets face it, for those who know of director Michael Bay, we know the man is pretty talentless when it comes to attempting any kind of deep, hard hitting story. I'd probably put him in the same class as Zack Snyder. His films looks spectacular, granted, but as a bit of a 'Movie Boffin' I kind of want more than that when I watch a movie.
The latest installment in the mega budget franchise based a children's toy has been utterly pulverized by critics to the same scale the city of Chicago suffers in this movie at the hands of the Decepticons. So what of the movie? Did I enjoy it? Well...I'd be lying if I didn't laugh at parts or actually momentarily think "at least it's better than than the last one," which is what this is. But that really doesn't take much effort...does it?
The basic "plot" of the film is actually a fairly, I admit, clever idea. It gives us the idea that the space race was in fact a race to recover a UFO crashed on the dark side of the moon, which turns out to be a crashed Autobot and many ancient cybertronic artifacts. Once recovered...lets just keep it short and say Armageddon literally starts to rain down on Planet Earth.
So as with the first two installments we have the central character, Sam played by Shia LeBouf, however, no Megan Fox, not that I was really arsed about that because after a few phwoars when seeing the first installment, the whole "she's ridiculously hot" thing wore off, much like Cheryl Cole is now. But I kind of missed her, not because of that, but because of the new girl Rosie Huntington- Whiteley. I mean she has nice "collagen blow job lips" and a nice arse, as kindly pointed out in her very first scene by Mr Bay, but when she speaks she makes Megan Fox's delivery of lines seem almost Oscar worthy. But lets not kid ourselves, shes only there for one reason, to look hot.
The movie itself is almost like two movies back to back, with the first half being some half-arse attempt of being some kind of character back-plot, trying to make us warm to Sam and his new Girlfriend, with the second half of the movie basically being Transformers 2 but set in Chicago this time. That means, incoherent, confusing, shiny, mechanical chaos. I am so glad I did not go to see this in 3D. However saying all that, it does offer a few laughs, mostly from John Malkovich in his small cameo role, where he plays, well...John Malkovich like all his movies and admittedly some of the action scenes are impressive to watch before they send you into a nauseated state.
I remember watching an interview with Shia LeBouf about the movie on Youtube, in which he calls Michael Bay, wait for it...(drum roll)...I kid you not..."the GREATEST action movie director OF ALL TIME." Fuck off. Has you not seen anything by James Cameron (excluding Titanic), Steven Spielberg, or even Christopher Nolan!?
Michael Bay can spend a lot of money, turn it up loud and bright, and use half of America's military arsenal and he would not even come close to any of those directors. At least I didn't have to pay for the ticket. Mark Kermode, BBC Film Critic posted a blog on Youtube seen here. He makes an excellent point when posed with the question, how can a movie possibly be bad when it makes so much money? Doesn't the Box Office say otherwise? He brilliantly stated that when a movie has so much spent on it, it becomes an event more than a movie, so yes a mega blockbuster of a movie with record takings can still be a bad movie. I have four words that can back that statement up...Star wars. Prequel Trilogy.
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